I am a single kid in my family. I have yearned for a
sibling. Always. I remember I asked my
mom when I was a little boy –why don’t I have any brother or sister? Mom very
nicely convinced me – God does not give brothers or sisters to everybody.. From
that day, I reconciled to the fact that I had to be on my own.
It is Raksha Bandhan time in India. There are jokes floating around which talks about people running away in fear of the Rakhi. Jokes apart – there is still something missing inside me..
I had a wonderful drive in the rains this morning.. slow
moving traffic, the raindrops and a beautiful song by Kishore Kumar “ Phoolon
Ka taron ka!” Bliss!
While I was already on the trip last few days on the above
mentioned topic, the beautiful song by Kishoreda made me think further..
I was missing a sibling.
That also made me think a little more in detail about the mind
of the single kid.
The other day I was having a chat with somebody when he
casually mentioned to me about a peculiar behaviour of his son, and he wondered
why his son reacted in a funny way on his some suggestion to him. That’s when
it immediately struck me… It’s the phenomenon of the single kid! Instantaneously
took me back to my childhood. And I could relate to the issue so well, that I
could offer a bit of solace to my friend that this not something he should worry
about, but that he should know how to handle it.. To understand the
sensitivities behind the being of a single kid.
Complicated isn’t it? Not really!
My views on this subject based on my analysis, experiences
and introspection as a single kid myself - You could find these kids or persons mostly of
two types. 1. Too bratish as they have all the attention. 2. At times expressive,
but at times too quiet; depending on the upbringing of the child and family
circumstances. Majority of these persons could fall in the second category. In
either of the cases – it will be worthwhile for the parent to understand the
behavioural pattern typically as it stems from this concept of single kid.
They are in their own world.
It is for us to understand the real “them” in them. As they
have no siblings to share their feelings or fight with or to even give a hug. They
don’t have to fight for their corner with anyone else nor do they have any
competition. They usually get what they wanted. And yes they learn to be on their
own. They create a world of their own in
their minds. More like a wonderful fairy tale world of adventures and ambitions
and they learn to bask in its glory.
Even if there’s an extrovertish or a happy go lucky
behaviour from the outside, but if you dig deep inside, you could find a rare
symptom of quietness and stillness coupled with melancholy in them. This is not
to scare you, but these are some traits which are hidden deep inside.
The person may have been grappling with what to express and
what not to express and to whom. Most of the cases, they share many of their thoughts
and feelings with their moms. But that has some limitations too. And it may not be fair to expect that, at a
later date even his spouse would understand where the person comes from and his
fairy tale world.
It needs a fair bit of understanding to make the person help
themselves to be expressive or articulate about the innate feelings with someone
whom they can trust and take the person out of the stillness!
If you are a parent of a single kid – spend time with him to
be a part of that wonderful fairy tale world that he must be creating or living!
I am sure it will be fun!
