I have been a student of human
relationships, behaviour and leadership skills. This is to touch upon a
sensitive topic that I feel is more prevalent in some of the Gen X Men, or in
particular, Husbands.
The Gen X guys are far more
ambitious and evolved than their previous generations. These guys may have
exhibited far better leadership skills professionally at a very young age, may
be getting paid handsomely and might be leading a luxurious life. Yet if I can
make a bold statement, the previous generation Men were a little better in
handling their families.
Today, the size of the families
are quite restricted, and mostly nuclear families. Hence the challenges of
handling and managing large extended families are never there. Even within the
nuclear families, the problems seem to be a lot more. Why?
Earlier there used to be a strict
formula being adopted (across the word) with the Fathers being considered the
head and so naturally it used to be a typically male dominated society. However
that did not mean the women folk were voiceless. The womenfolk were the anchors
in the family who took care of every relationship and in raising the children,
while the menfolk were the main bread winners. The mother would instil respect
for the father in their children while the father was away working. The formula
seemed to have worked successfully for centuries across the globe.
There seems to be a confusion
among some set of Gen X Men. While they show exemplary leadership qualities in
their business or career, at home they tend to be a little meek. Not that they
do not want to express their leadership, they think that as neo liberals they
need to provide equality in the household. Noble thought! Neither am I against
gender equality. However in the process
they forget that they are the head of the families. And in due course the man
starts to give into the tantrums or to the unwarranted demands of the wife,
failing and often wondering how to say No. They remain timid. Over a period despite all the professional
successes of the man, he remains a meek and docile subordinate at home not
being able to be decisive. I do not want to call these men henpecked. And as
this continues, the man slowly gets into the process of depression, not being
able to express this situation with anyone else. Not even to his best friend.
Where did the man go wrong? He
has been so devoted to his dear wife. He has been successful and earning well
too. He is able to provide the best of the luxuries to his family. Yet he is
not able to manage himself well. Nor is he happy.
I recently saw a video by a
renowned psychiatrist who was talking about a concept called Vitamin N – or the
concept of saying NO, while raising children. He was of the strong opinion that
as a parent one should more often learn to say No in the best interest of the
kids than falling prey to their demands and nagging. This would make them
better human beings at a later stage. Similarly the man should also learn to
say No to the wife and not hesitate to take some tough stances in the larger
interests of the family. There may be momentary displeasure or disagreements,
but over the long run it would get ironed out.
The man should remember that he
is the “Head of the family” and not just a devoted husband. I am not
undermining the qualities of the fine lady. This is certainly not about
chauvinism or female oppression. This is only about some fine responsibilities
which the man should not shy away in the name of gender equality.
Take charge.
In the long run it will be alright.
As they say in my mother tongue – “Kootti Kazhichu paaru, Ellaam sariya varum”.
A loose translation – “there might be some pluses and minuses, but overall it
should be fine”. And yes, your wife will actually start respecting you even
more.
You, The Man!
