New Year Resolutions

The title says it all isn’t it? You know what I am going to talk about.

Do you believe in listing out resolutions every year?

Or you don’t believe in resolutions at all?

If you believed in resolutions, how effective have they been? – Very effective? Not so effective? Ok-Ok??

It is that beautiful time of the year. People welcome the coming New Year with lots of hope, aspirations, zest and enthusiasm. Most people come up with their own resolutions too. Some people very sincerely seriously adhere to them. And some other people, I don’t need to say J.

The social media is full of greetings and images for the Ney Year. And of course there are jokes and memes on resolutions too. For example, the fitness freaks would say, they would not like to go to the gym on the 1^st of Jan, as it would be filled with people who would have chosen going to their gym as their resolution. And they would also be sure that the same enthusiasm will not last till the 2^nd of Jan. J.

Let me start with my disclaimer: I am no fan of New Year Resolutions!

Having said that, I have been observing a socially active friend of mine who would religiously put up a concept of a single word focus for the year at the beginning of the year.

Yes – a single word. It is not a resolution. Just a single word to define the focus for the year.

I became curious. How does it work?

I even debated with him – how can it be just a single word? Can it be a combination of a few? Can it be a sentence? The manager in me made me even ask - Can it be a list of bullet points? J

My wise friend wasn’t impressed – he said it doesn’t work that way. It has to be a single word!

Hmm, an interesting concept. That led me to think. Think hard.  You need to think of a single word that is going to determine the entire direction of the whole year. Wow!

Yes, it is a brilliant idea. To arrive at that single word – one goes through lots of emotions and thought processes. It is like writing the Vision/Mission statement for your Company.

Ultimately when you narrow down to the single word focus for the year, you would have gone through quite a bit of feelings, logical reasoning, analysis, intuition, goals, ambition, wishes, dreams etc.. Yet a single word. Thank you my friend!

You know what, I have been practicing this concept for nearly four years now. And it works!

I have also been talking about this concept with my close friends and many of them have adopted it as well. For example, one friend told me he had chosen "Consolidation" as his word as he wanted to consolidate his many physical assets, financials, work life balance and so on. 

Another, a very successful one and arrived well in life early, yet grappling with mid life crises, mentioned "Minimalism" as his word. 

Both of them did exactly what they mentioned! And many such. 

Friends, I have thought of mine. That one word. For the year 2019.

Would you like to give it a try?

A Happy New Year to you!

I have a dream

It was the festive season of Navaratri at Trivandrum in the year 1979. Every household had the traditional Golu set up. Most of them had a nine step or a seven step arrangement with dolls of different sizes neatly arranged and decorated. It would be interesting to see the creative side of the aunties, who were otherwise usually busy with the chores of joint families. Girls looked prettier during those times usually decked in silk top & a frock like attire called pavadais. The boys did not have any such dress codes J.  All the houses were filled with music and lip smacking goodies. People visited each other’s houses religiously and it was the best time to socialise. Girls were usually adept at singing, mainly Carnatic music. During this festive season, every house that they visited, they had to sing!

I was a single kid. My mom took me along to every house she visited during the season. I didn’t have to sing at the houses,  being a boy, I could play with my friends and cousins while munching on the chivdas/mixtures and sweets and the savouries of the season called sundal. I used to be fascinated at all the festivities and would silently take a peek at all those music as well. I guess I secretly enjoyed the music.

On the 7^th day of that Navratri, we were at my father’s sister Saroja auntie's house(my favourite aunt) who lived not far from our place. In any case it was like a joint family culture. Music was a part of life and family. Saroja auntie had just then finished rendering the song Shri Ranga pura vihara, which is incidentally a cult song today, thanks to the Bangalore based band called Agam which popularised it with the millennials a couple of years ago. I was mesmerised with Saroja auntie’s singing. She was an A grade All India Radio artist and there were no Televisions then. Her eldest daughter Kausalya, my cousin was as proficient and was a trained professional singer. She was pursuing her post graduation in music. Kausalya sat with her tanpura and rendered her song with her mellifluous voice. I was just lost in the music and in devotion! Pure Bliss! Kausalya was a very gentle and a soft spoken lady. She was the eldest of the next generation in my dad’s family and was elder to me by thirteen years.

Later that evening, Kausalya spoke a few words with my dad and subsequently at home my dad told me that Kausalya didi or Akka as I called her, would teach me music. I was excited at the thought of learning music, that too under the guidance of Kausalya Akka. My dad told me that Kausalya Akka would start the lessons on the Vijaya Dasami day or the Dussehra day, which was the practice those days to start for anything special like art and music on the auspicious day of Dussehra. My dad also told me that I have to give respect to Kausalya Akka as my guru.

As planned the classes started on the Vijaya Dasami day. It started with Saa Ree, gaa maa….Kausalya had a younger brother, Padmanabhan, we called him Padhu.  Padhu 11 years elder to me, was tall and handsome. He was the brightest and the most intelligent in our family and was studying Engineering in the best college of Kerala in Trivandrum those days. I was very fond of Padhu & looked upto him as my mentor.

The second day of my music class… When the class was almost getting over, in walked Padhu with his engineering graphics tools and set squares. He saw me sitting on the floor in the singing pose, and he burst into laughter. Hahahahahahaha. He laughed and laughed and laughed. He said, “ Are you serious”? "Are you going to do this saa ree, gaa business?" He very well knew the proficiency of his mom and sister and the music lineage the family had, yet he taunted me.

He took me to his Study den in the attic that he had created for himself. He had a table top tape recorder. He pulled out a brand new cassette from his bag and played it. It was the year 1979, ABBA had just then released a new album. The song was “ I have a dream, a song to sing”. A couple of years ago, Boney M had released Daddy Daddy cool and just the previous year they had released Ra ra Rasputin! Padhu was way ahead of his generation and people in that traditional and orthodox street of Trivandrum. I still remember how would solve his complex differential equations and integrations while drumming and dancing to the beats of Boney M & ABBA.

But the way he laughed at me was perplexing. Perhaps he wanted me to break away from the shackles of just Carnatic music. Yet,  it left a psychological scar on me.

Just before the 3^rd day of my class I told my parents I wouldnt be going to the class. Did not give them any explanation. I just refused. My parents and also Kausalya Akka felt I was too young and playful. So they didn’t force me then. They felt they would give me time. That time never came.

A few years later, Kausalya got married and shifted to Hyderabad. My dad had got transferred to Madras.

And music was a totally forgotten chapter for me.

I moved on in life. During my engineering days, I would solve the problems exactly the way Padhu did, with music in the background and in a fun filled way. But I never ventured to learn music.

Thirty five years later, it had come back to haunt me. I started to feel the void in my life. Wish I had learnt music! Wish I had learnt to play an instrument! Wish I had not given up! The thought started pounding on my head.  Call it midlife crisis or whatever, I was in a real crisis.

I mustered enough courage to ask a teacher in her seventies if she would take me as a student for piano even though I was a zero in music and a zero in piano.

She was the best teacher in town. Still she is. I was so glad she accepted me as my student.

I now tell myself – I have a dream. I want to play the piano well someday soon. That’s my inner calling.

Unfortunately both Kausalya and Padhu are not alive today, tragically. But I want to play that Sahana Raag on that piano apart from the Bach and Mozart pieces and dedicate it to my dear  Kausalya & Padhu, as I know that they are watching me as my angels.

And in the words of ABBA, I say,

I have a dream, a song to sing

I believe in angels

Something good in everything I see

I believe in angels

When I know the time is right for me

I'll cross the stream,

I have a dream!

Friend or a Foe!

Have you ever been in a housing society’s meeting? How’s the scene generally?

The other day we were having a General Body Meeting in our housing society. It was a typical meeting. But an extraordinary one. As there were a host of tricky issues raised. And then an elderly lady with lots of anxiety in her mind raised a point. She looked concerned and she mentioned that she was raising that point on behalf of all the senior citizens, especially elderly ladies.

She mentioned that most of the elderly ladies prefer to go for a walk within the premises of the building. But what was bothering them was the presence of dogs. The pet dogs of some of the owners would sometimes be let free, which probably terrified those people.

Hearing this concern, one of the dog owners(who’s otherwise an active member of the society and an ardent advocate to address many of the issues pertaining to the society), got up from the meeting saying - now it is almost the end of the meeting and murmuring:  there are important issues, and people are talking about trivial things like dogs, when actually the pet dogs are the sweetest things in the world.

Until a few years ago, I was neutral to the concept of pets. Neither for nor against. I must admit I have never been exposed to pets, so no knowledge of the subject. While I knew of some people who were panic stricken by the sight of pets for their own reasons or lack of it.

But the other side of the story was alien to me.

Until I met this dear friend who has his lovely adorable labrador. Being with him I have now realised why the dog is called man’s best friend.

Yet, I have this question now looming over me.

• Was the elderly lady justified in asking this question?
• Was the dog owner justified in saying that it was a trivial issue by concluding that the dog is as much a part of his family like his own kid? And pet dogs are friendly and don’t do any harm.
• But, will he ever understand the fears of the lady/ladies that raised the question?

While I agree to the fact that dogs are lovable ones, I thought of digging a little deeper on this subject.

The book Phobias defines a panic attack as "a sudden terror lasting at least a few minutes with typical manifestations of intense fear". These manifestations may include palpitations, sweating, trembling, difficulty breathing, the urge to escape, faintness or dizziness, dry mouth, nausea and/or several other symptoms. As with other specific phobias, people suffering from fear of dogs may display a wide range of these reactions when confronted with a live dog or even when thinking about or presented with an image (static or filmed) of a dog. Furthermore, classic avoidance behavior is also common and may include staying away from areas where dogs might be (i.e., a park), crossing the street to avoid a dog, or avoiding the homes of friends and/or family who own a dog.

Leading authors and scientists on the subject concluded that the age of onset for animal phobias is usually early childhood, between the ages of five and nine and additionally found dog phobia developing as late as age 20.  Also it is interesting to note that 75-90% who reported such animal fears were women.

Now getting back to our case, the ladies who raised the issue were largely in their 60s. I can imagine the deep rooted fears manifested over decades in them. Seems more complex than what it appears.  There are genetic and biological influences that make someone more likely to develop such fears and cannot be switched off easily.

Should the dog owner be a little more sensitive to such larger fears of people?

And the population of people who have these fears out number those own pets?

There are more than 25 million stray dogs in India. While there are animal activists now protecting the interests of stray dogs, how do we tackle this inherent psychological issue prevalent in a larger population of people who do not speak up, but sulk in their own fears.

I don’t have a conclusion yet on the subject. I seek your opinions!

Or should I say, who am I to conclude on this? As the well known idiom goes, “Let Sleeping Dogs Lie.”