I have a dream

It was the festive season of Navaratri at Trivandrum in the year 1979. Every household had the traditional Golu set up. Most of them had a nine step or a seven step arrangement with dolls of different sizes neatly arranged and decorated. It would be interesting to see the creative side of the aunties, who were otherwise usually busy with the chores of joint families. Girls looked prettier during those times usually decked in silk top & a frock like attire called pavadais. The boys did not have any such dress codes J.  All the houses were filled with music and lip smacking goodies. People visited each other’s houses religiously and it was the best time to socialise. Girls were usually adept at singing, mainly Carnatic music. During this festive season, every house that they visited, they had to sing!

I was a single kid. My mom took me along to every house she visited during the season. I didn’t have to sing at the houses,  being a boy, I could play with my friends and cousins while munching on the chivdas/mixtures and sweets and the savouries of the season called sundal. I used to be fascinated at all the festivities and would silently take a peek at all those music as well. I guess I secretly enjoyed the music.

On the 7^th day of that Navratri, we were at my father’s sister Saroja auntie's house(my favourite aunt) who lived not far from our place. In any case it was like a joint family culture. Music was a part of life and family. Saroja auntie had just then finished rendering the song Shri Ranga pura vihara, which is incidentally a cult song today, thanks to the Bangalore based band called Agam which popularised it with the millennials a couple of years ago. I was mesmerised with Saroja auntie’s singing. She was an A grade All India Radio artist and there were no Televisions then. Her eldest daughter Kausalya, my cousin was as proficient and was a trained professional singer. She was pursuing her post graduation in music. Kausalya sat with her tanpura and rendered her song with her mellifluous voice. I was just lost in the music and in devotion! Pure Bliss! Kausalya was a very gentle and a soft spoken lady. She was the eldest of the next generation in my dad’s family and was elder to me by thirteen years.

Later that evening, Kausalya spoke a few words with my dad and subsequently at home my dad told me that Kausalya didi or Akka as I called her, would teach me music. I was excited at the thought of learning music, that too under the guidance of Kausalya Akka. My dad told me that Kausalya Akka would start the lessons on the Vijaya Dasami day or the Dussehra day, which was the practice those days to start for anything special like art and music on the auspicious day of Dussehra. My dad also told me that I have to give respect to Kausalya Akka as my guru.

As planned the classes started on the Vijaya Dasami day. It started with Saa Ree, gaa maa….Kausalya had a younger brother, Padmanabhan, we called him Padhu.  Padhu 11 years elder to me, was tall and handsome. He was the brightest and the most intelligent in our family and was studying Engineering in the best college of Kerala in Trivandrum those days. I was very fond of Padhu & looked upto him as my mentor.

The second day of my music class… When the class was almost getting over, in walked Padhu with his engineering graphics tools and set squares. He saw me sitting on the floor in the singing pose, and he burst into laughter. Hahahahahahaha. He laughed and laughed and laughed. He said, “ Are you serious”? "Are you going to do this saa ree, gaa business?" He very well knew the proficiency of his mom and sister and the music lineage the family had, yet he taunted me.

He took me to his Study den in the attic that he had created for himself. He had a table top tape recorder. He pulled out a brand new cassette from his bag and played it. It was the year 1979, ABBA had just then released a new album. The song was “ I have a dream, a song to sing”. A couple of years ago, Boney M had released Daddy Daddy cool and just the previous year they had released Ra ra Rasputin! Padhu was way ahead of his generation and people in that traditional and orthodox street of Trivandrum. I still remember how would solve his complex differential equations and integrations while drumming and dancing to the beats of Boney M & ABBA.

But the way he laughed at me was perplexing. Perhaps he wanted me to break away from the shackles of just Carnatic music. Yet,  it left a psychological scar on me.

Just before the 3^rd day of my class I told my parents I wouldnt be going to the class. Did not give them any explanation. I just refused. My parents and also Kausalya Akka felt I was too young and playful. So they didn’t force me then. They felt they would give me time. That time never came.

A few years later, Kausalya got married and shifted to Hyderabad. My dad had got transferred to Madras.

And music was a totally forgotten chapter for me.

I moved on in life. During my engineering days, I would solve the problems exactly the way Padhu did, with music in the background and in a fun filled way. But I never ventured to learn music.

Thirty five years later, it had come back to haunt me. I started to feel the void in my life. Wish I had learnt music! Wish I had learnt to play an instrument! Wish I had not given up! The thought started pounding on my head.  Call it midlife crisis or whatever, I was in a real crisis.

I mustered enough courage to ask a teacher in her seventies if she would take me as a student for piano even though I was a zero in music and a zero in piano.

She was the best teacher in town. Still she is. I was so glad she accepted me as my student.

I now tell myself – I have a dream. I want to play the piano well someday soon. That’s my inner calling.

Unfortunately both Kausalya and Padhu are not alive today, tragically. But I want to play that Sahana Raag on that piano apart from the Bach and Mozart pieces and dedicate it to my dear  Kausalya & Padhu, as I know that they are watching me as my angels.

And in the words of ABBA, I say,

I have a dream, a song to sing

I believe in angels

Something good in everything I see

I believe in angels

When I know the time is right for me

I'll cross the stream,

I have a dream!